18 Years Old – an Ode to Shelbi
Shelbi at 3, end of first photo shoot
Today we not only celebrate the life of our oldest daughter, but in more ways than she will ever know her arrival changed the course of our lives.
Her arrival sparked a certain urgency in Kristi to find me a job. Indirectly Shelbi is responsible for me spending the last 17 years at Lexmark.
I also happened to gain a significant amount of weight during that first pregnancy. So, indirectly Shelbi is responsible for me weighing more than I should. 🙂
I wasn’t the best husband in the world. In fact, the Cowboys were playing on TV while Kristi was in labor with Shelbi. And while I tried to enjoy the game I was strongly encouraged, maybe threatened is more accurate, by my Lamaze Instructing mother and wife to massage feet and calves for hours. So, Shelbi is indirectly responsible for my fading fanaticism in regards to the Dallas Cowboys…that and Jerry Jones. And is also indirectly responsible for making me more responsible.
We built a house because Shelbi was coming. We bought a car because she was coming. We spent money on a glider and bought a brown Lay Z Boy because she was coming (it’s still my chair). We bought a really good, and really expensive, vacuum cleaner because she came (we still have the same Kirby and would never own anything else). We bought a video camera because she came. I learned that putting together a crib can take hours, that the best way to relieve constipation is to shove a thermometer in your rear end, that holding you so you faced out and pulling your knees to your chest helped relieve some of your colicky pain – boy were we exhausted those first few months, and that breast milk isn’t always the best form of nutrition. I learned that there are some hurts Daddy can’t fix, and there are some fears Daddy can’t fight. I learned how to trust doctors to do surgery…twice. I learned that blankets with holes in them can bring comfort and two fingers are always better than one, but allowing you to suck fingers instead of a pacifier was a poor choice regardless of how cute it was. I learned that it is possible for a nine year old to be compassionate (Bunko for Tsunami Recovery Birthday). I learned that suffering through being the oldest child doesn’t prepare you to raise your oldest child. I learned that regardless of how well you think you know your kid it is never a good reason to fail to get to know your kid. I learned that being up front with my kids with my mistakes doesn’t necessarily mean my kids won’t make the same mistakes with worse consequences.
Senior picture with Momma
Most of all I learned to love. Unconditionally love. And for that I think everyone should thank you.
Regardless of the cost, the change, the lessons, the pain you were worth it. You is kind, you is smart, you is important. Welcome to adulthood. Now the true test of whether or not we did a good job of being your parents begins. May God be gracious and merciful because perfect we were not.
To that I think I can hear you say, “AMEN, brutha!”
The power of a gentle rebuke
Last week we went to Walt Disney World for Fall Break. We scheduled the trip in the Spring because we were being offered a deal that put us in the amount we felt like we could budget, and it fell on the week we would be out of school. It was a tremendous week weather-wise and family wise. We created lots of memories.
For those of you that know my wife, Kristi, you know she squeezes every second out of every minute out of every hour out of every day. So, we were at the parks from open to close for six days. I wish I had monitored how much I walked in those six days.
So, day six comes around and we are meeting my brother, Paul, and his family at the Magic Kingdom. We woke up early so we could pack the car and get to the park when it opened. Kristi and the kids rode the tram and I took the car, but I wanted to get my last cup of coffee for the week before racing to meet the family.
I drove quickly, but in my mind safely and found a handicapped spot that I would only occupy for two or three minutes at the most as I entered the hotel cafeteria to get that precious cup of Joe. As I exited the vehicle a resort employee called to me from behind. I thought I was going to get checked for a handicapped tag. Instead the encounter went something like this…
Disney employee: “Sir, do you have a moment?”
Me: “Sure.”
Disney Employee: “I watched as you sped across three lanes of parking, and I just wanted to ask you to slow down in the parking lots because we do have a lot of children at the resort.”
Me: “You’re right.”
Thankfully, my ears were open and my response was appropriate. I was caught and there was no reason to defend. So, not only did I slow down, but as soon as the encounter was over I moved the car into an appropriate spot in a slow and deliberate manner and then I went in to get my coffee.
I wish I had gotten the guys name, because the way I was gently corrected left little room for me to be confrontational or belligerent. In that moment, I humbly had to confess that I was caught up in what I wanted to happen that day. While I felt like I was being careful what would have happened if a kid sped into my way? I could do nothing but thank the Lord for the reminder. Needless to say the rest of the day was lived in thankfulness and with a servant-like attitude toward my family and others.
As I have reflected upon that moment I have come to grips with how often and how easy it is for the circumstances of life to turn my gaze from Christ. I have to confess that I like to win arguments, I like to be right, I don’t like it when my integrity and authority are questioned, and I become angry pretty quickly when I make plans and there is an interference.
That one encounter with a gentle correction not only changed how I lived the day, but has carried over into how I am living this week as a single father of five. It also has given me new confidence in the Word of God.
So, be on guard my friends. Even when you have what may seem to be legitimate and pure motives your hearts may have selfish ones, and when that is the case ask the Lord to bring you a gentle rebuke.
“Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. A soothing tongue is a tree of life, But perversion in it crushes the spirit.” Proverbs 15:4