How Pastors (And Everyone) Can Build A Marriage That Will Last – Part Two

How Pastors (And Everyone) Can Build A Marriage That Will Last – Part Two: ”

#3 – Show Up

Here’s the deal about the house next door…the dudes working on it show up EVERY DAY…EARLY…and stay late.

Hey church leader…in order to build a home you need to BE AT HOME…period!

I know WAY too many pastors who let the expectations and demands of needy, clingy church people (notice I didn’t say Christians) DRIVE them to a place of insanity and burnout…and then those same church people will stand around his coffin and talk about how he should have taken better care of himself.

Too many pastors are at other kids baseball games and missing their own kids baseball game…this HAS TO STOP!

Guys…we’ve GOT to spend time at home…and NOT apologize for it. We’ve GOT to be with our spouse in order to work on the marriage.

My recommendation…ask her questions like…

• What time would you like me home every night?
• How many nights a week would you like for us to have dinner as a family?
• How can I serve you and the kids once I get home?
• What can I do for you when the kids go to bed to make you feel special? (BTW…she’s not going to say, “channel surf!”)

Now…before I move on…let me deal with the nasty reason many church leaders don’t want to go home…

Because at home they are NOT “a rock star!”

You see, at church, at ANY size church, the pastor is “the man.” He’s respected and admired and often complimented by others. In many cases this can produce a false perception of power and control…and the pastor begins to think that everyone who sees him needs to bow and pay homage. (Which is something that needs to be repented of…they don’t serve us…we serve one another and we all serve Christ!)

Then he goes home…and his wife and kids just aren’t impressed with him. (Dude, your wife has seen you naked…there is ABSOLUTELY nothing about you that impresses her!) And…some guys can’t handle being the servant at home…they have to be “the man,” and that NEVER contributes to a healthy marriage.

One of the BEST things we can BEG God for is for Him to allow us to see ourselves through His eyes…which will not usher in feelings of pride but rather humility and gratitude!

The other day I spent hours in a meeting talking about campuses, budgets, traveling…all kinds of HUGE decisions that needed making. Then I left church and went home…where in less than five minutes I was wiping Charisse’s butt because she had just dropped a bomb! God uses things like this at times to remind me, “At the end of the day…all you are is a servant…and don’t ever forget it!”

Guys…guess what…we’ve got to see “butt wiping” as just as important as budgeting! We’ve got to see setting the table as just as important as setting up a service. We’ve got to see washing dishes as just as important as watching sermons on youtube! We’ve GOT TO BE THERE for our wife and kids…

If we’re not there for our family…satan will be…don’t let him lead what God has give you responsibility for!

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